since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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