guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
