I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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