How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
