I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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