Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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