you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
