Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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