is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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