do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
