No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
