Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
