hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
