so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
