And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
