she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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