HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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