So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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