She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
