I wish my penis had an off switch
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
