so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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