just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The air was thick with penises
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
