lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Randomize
