So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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