I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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