yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
