im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i've created a new STD.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
