I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
