It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
