I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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