Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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