I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
