I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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