And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
