just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
