My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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