White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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