Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
