okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
