On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
