ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
