I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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