My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
