i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
