TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
