My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
