All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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