I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
