I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
