I murdered the dance floor call the cops
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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